You know the sickening thing of calling someone is when all the calls are diverted to their voicemail. Especially when their voicemail actually is one which is made to lure you into thinking they're actually on the phone. This is what happened today:
Me: *Calling my friend*
Him: *Goes into voicemail without me realizing that it's voicemail* Hello!
Me: Dei, where are you da? Wanna go temple today not?
Him: Hello!
Me: Can you fucking hear me or ...........
Him: Hello!
Me: OI!!!!!
Him: *Beep*
Me: Oh shit! Don't tell me I was fooled.
Ten minutes later, phone ringed:
Me: Hello.
Him: *Laughing* Yes, you were fooled.
Me: $%^*&&^((^@$#@#$@@$!!!!!#
The Problem With Voicemail
Fucked Again This Year
You know, sometimes, they say god sends signals in replacement for his absence. I don't know how far that is true and all but today I was at the temple [As usual] and I was there to ask a few things. Usually I do not ask for anything. When I pray, all I say is this: "Why give me so much when all I want is you?"
But today was different. I needed to apologize coz I wanted to cut short my fasting. If you know, I do not pray to female gods. Not at all. Not even Seethai. But I had to walk over to the amman statue and just tell her that I wanted to only fast for three days. And in my heart, I went, "Saamy, this year only 3 days please. I've got alot of things to do la. You should understand and be a nice lady and just let me off okie? No burning of my feet. Or worst still, fall in the firepit. I no gf leh. Wait no girls like me. Then I'll blame you hor......" And just before I could finish my sentence, someone who was walking past me actually bumped into me and apparently he had something that was sharp that had to pierce my ass. I turned around and nearly slapped the living hell outta him. Somehow, I didn't. I must've shocked the world when I didn't even stare at him. I turned around and right infront of me was the priest with the oil lamp. Guess 3 days is out of the picture. I'll be starting to fast from saturday onwards. Best thing in the world, I'll start my fast from the raamar temple. That is how cool it is.
And speaking of Raamar and staying on the same topic, after I was done with Amman, I headed to my all favorite Raamar statue. More often than not, I like to joke with who I am praying to. [Minus shivan and Murugan. They quite anti-social one. Play with them then sure kenna something one. Haiz.] I went over to the Raamar statue and went on to say "Wei, where my seethi la? I thought you supposed to introduce one girl to me right? Liar la you....." when some old lady appearing from no where went "Govinthaaaa Govinthaaa!!!" And that was it. I prayed to all others and left. Lesson is, when you pray the next time, ask something realistic. Looks like I am fucked as well this year.
Jobs. A Rip Off.
Posted by Praba
on Wednesday, September 16, 2009
| 0 Comments
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Fresh out from the army, I is looking for a job. And trust me, it ain't that easy to find. Especially when I am trying to find a job that is flexible. What adds fuel to fire is the fact that I am indian. What adds kerosene to fuel is the fact that I'm the kind of inidan who prays and NEEDS to visit the temple more than I visit the toilet. Let's face the fact. Unlike YOU, I visit the temple everyday. If I'm gonna be working shift jobs, it's gonna eat up the amout of time I visit the temple or go for bhajans. I was looking through the papers today when I saw all kinds of job advertisements. Now, do you really think they mean what they say? I'll tell you what they really mean.
Keyword: Competitive salary.
What they mean: They remain competitive by paying you less than their competitors.
Keyword: Join our fast-paced company.
What they mean: They have no time to train you.
Keyword: Casual Work Atmosphere
What they mean: They don't pay enough to expect that you dress up.
Keyword: Some over-time required.
What they mean: Some every nights and some every weekends.
Keyword: Duties will vary
What they mean: Anyone in the workplace can boss you around.
Keyword: Must have an eye for details.
What they mean: They have no quality assurance.
Keyword: Career minded.
What they mean: Female applicants must be childless. [And remain that way]
Keyword: Apply in person.
What they mean: If you're too old, fat or ugly, you'll be told that the position is filled.
Keyword: Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience.
What they mean: You'll need it to replace the other 3 people who just quit.
Keyword: Problem-solving skills a must.
What they mean: You're walking into a perpetual chaos.
Keyword: Requires team leadership skills.
What they mean: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager. [Without the pay and respect]
Keyword: Good communication skills
What they mean: Management communicates, you listen. And figure out what they want and do it.
Keyword: Good time management skills
What they mean:You'll be 3 months behind time when you start work.
Keyword: Bilinguals preferred.
What they mean:You must be a chinese person who speaks chinese. Doesn't matter if you're an indian who can speak chinese. You must be chinese.
What Would You Call That?
You know, I was looking through the dictionary hours back to get in touch with words that seem so ancient to me now compared to back then. Army makes a person stupid. It's evident. I can't help it.
Anyhow, have you ever wondered who invented the dictionary? And how he had to memorize so much words to write down and explain the meaning for? That's a tough piece of shit I kid you not. But of course, as much as he did his best, he conveniently left out a few words. And he left out words so obvious that sometimes when I see people doing something, I wouldn't know how to explain it to my friends what they were doing. Coz there are no words in english to explain what they are doing. So, let's make things simple. Let's unword them. Like this:
Alcological [Al-co-low-gi-cal]
a. (adj) Things that seem logical only after consuming large amounts of alcohol.
Disconfect [Dis-kon-fect]
a. (v.) To sterilize a piece of candy that dropped on the floor by blowing it. This is perfectly useful for my mum.
Baldage [Bal-dayge]
a. (n.) The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering. Especially for my mum.
Abandick [Ab-an-dig]
a. (v.tr.) To leave a man in the middle of sex just because you think you're going too far cause you're Singapore's most innocent girl and a family throne, causing him to be left behind in frustration and physical discomfort.
Benefriend [Ben-e-ffrr-end]
a. (n.) A so-called friend with whom one partakes in devious activities, often stereotyped as sexually immoral acts, without fear of ruining the friendship and without any commitment. A friend with benefits.
Elecelleration [El-a-cel-ayshun]
n. The mistaken notion that the more faster and harder you press the button in the lift, the faster it'll arrive.
Frust [Fr-ust]
n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept into the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the rooms until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
Neonphancy [Ne-on-pan-cy]
n. A floresant light bulb struggling to come to life.
Phonesia [Fo-ne-zia]
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who we are calling just as they answer.
Kidiot [Key-di-ot]
a. (n.) A highly annoying kid.
Nipply [Nip-li]
a. (adv.) Condition caused by a cold room, excitement or fear.
Camouflush [Cam-oh-flush]
a. (n.) The unnecessary flushing of a public restroom toilet to mask embarrassing bodily sounds.
Decompliment [De-kom-ple-ment]
a. (v.) To immediately insult someone after complimenting them, thereby rendering the compliment void.
Brunch [Brun-ch]
a. (n.) A meal taken on behalf of the missed breakfast and lunch.
Fagnostic [Fag-nos-tik]
a. (n.) Someone who refuses to admit they are gay or lesbian even though everyone else around them knows that they are.
Chillaxing [Chill-axe-ink]
a. (v.tr.) Actively chilling and relaxing; Taking things easy; Staying cool.
Hiccaburp [Hik-ka-burp]
a. (v.) To uncontrollably and simultaneously hiccup and burp.
Unfhair [Un-fare]
a. (adj.) Marked by the ability to grow hair on one's ears, nose, the back of one's neck, on one's back or on one's rear, but not on the top of one's own head.
Zipcuff [Zeep-kaf]
a. (v.) To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
Fucking XML Format.
Posted by Praba
on Monday, September 14, 2009
| 0 Comments
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After much anal decisions, I have decided to stick with this template and not attempt at any more templates. Anymore of this and you'd see me go insane in the membrane. Many thanks to miss 'anal about relationships' sharpener for staying up listening to me whine about how the formats have changed. The previous HTML was way more easier for me to play with. Anyhow, will start soon. Too shagged for today. Adios!
